I Have Prostate Cancer

Seems like an odd way to start a blog post, especially for a guy who has posted nothing in this space for the past two years. But, I suspect it got you reading at least this far. That was my intent. 😊

I don’t state it for sympathy. I don’t need sympathy.  My diagnosis occurred in November 2022 so this is news that has been part of my reality for over a year. It is also news that I have NOT been very public about. My wife and my children know. My wife’s family knows. Some of my friends know. 

And Maggie, my esthetician.

This post is partially her fault. 

My wife had shared with Maggie at an earlier session that I had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. So, as part of our never-ending chats during a recent back wax session (yes, back wax, don’t judge me), I was explaining to her that I have been convincing all of my male friends to watch for symptoms, – frequent urge to urinate, low or interrupted urine flow, discomfort while peeing, and having to get up frequently in the middle of the night to pee are some of the most common ones – take them seriously and then talk to a doctor at the first sign of trouble. I’m telling my friends not to take these symptoms lightly. Don’t brush them off as the result of a few too many drinks. Don’t dismiss them as a natural sign of aging. Talk to your doctor, something men are less likely to do. 

(A German study in 2019 showed that women from 30-44 are 50% more likely to visit a doctor and women between the ages of 45-64 are 20% more likely. Unfortunately, this is the age where some of these medical issues begin.)

And then I happened to mention to her that I think I might write a blog post about that, at which point, Maggie responds that I absolutely should write a post. Now, there is a little more detail to this that I’ll keep between Maggie and me – practitioner-client privilege and all that, you know!

Now, prostate issues for me are nothing new. My prostate has been problematic for years. I was diagnosed with BPH (Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia or enlarged prostate) in 2012. My prostate is twice the length and four times the volume it should be so this is an area that was being monitored regularly. (Your prostate should be about the size of a walnut. Mine is roughly the size of an avocado.) That makes me lucky.

My diagnosis in 2022 is Stage 1 prostate cancer. It was discovered after my second biopsy. Only one of the 12 samples they took showed any sign of cancerous cells.  My current Gleason score is six and my cancer is defined as low-grade. I am much more likely to die with this cancer than from it. Of course, I am only 57, ten years below the average age of a prostate cancer diagnosis. 

At this stage, it is slow growth and unlikely to metastasize outside of the prostate.  I am currently on an Active Monitoring Protocol (AMP), which requires a PSA test every quarter, a doctor’s appointment and exam every six months and a biopsy every 18 months, with biopsy number 3 coming in early March. At this stage, treatment is likely riskier than the symptoms. I am living a life of increased inconvenience but have no painful or debilitating side effect. I am also likely to experience increased symptoms and, at some point in the future, more invasive treatment. 

So, no big physical issues right now. 

The biggest challenge is the mental game. No matter how well I am, I am living with cancer. That gets into my head. It sometimes makes me question every odd twinge or ache. Is this stomach indigestion or has my cancer spread? Is this headache because of dehydration or has my cancer spread? And, it isn’t lost on me that, at 57, I am less than three years away from the age at which cancer took my Dad. So, at times, as I deal with my own mortality a little more closely than I would like, motivation to be productive suffers. But otherwise, I’m in great health. All my other blood markers are exactly where they should be.

I get great support from Kelly, those closest to me and from my ‘Men’s Group’, a group of six friends – some like brothers, others more like buds, all of them essential to my life right now – who get together every other Wednesdays to support each other as we ‘test-drive who we want to be, taking the best of ourselves out into the world’. This group focuses on what it is like to be men in our current times – like having an esthetician, for example 😉 – knowing that the models of masculinity we would have based ourselves on in our childhood and young adulthood are outdated. In this space we are private, we are vulnerable, we are open and authentic. This group has been invaluable.  And, I’m thrilled to say that some in this group have started to get some blood work and other tests, establishing a baseline to monitor their future health with, based on me sharing my experience openly with them. As the ‘old man’ of the group, I am proud of them. 

Please, start to pressure your brothers, mates, and your partners to do two things. Or, if you have a prostate and are over the age of 40…

1. Monitor for symptoms. Maybe that frequent trip to the loo is a result of a few too many G&Ts. But maybe it’s not. Get your blood work done. Get checked out. 

2. Talk to your male friends. Talk to your support network. Men often talk about their activity, what their current workout looks like, how long it took for their torn ACL to heal, but rarely talk about significant physical or mental health issues. Let’s change that. 

OK, Maggie, I wrote it. Thanks for the push. 😉